On January 2, 1993 my mother passed away. Once a family of five; suddenly a disjointed four. Dad was left alone on the farm. My two brothers and I went back to school. It is different without Mom. Diary entry
29th March 1993. Just another day now. I’m turning fifteen this year, I know it’s my birthday today but I don’t want to think of my birthday without you, no more chocolate cake or wicky wacky cake in the workshop. Four
at the table and not five now, but I finish my food without complaining, I don’t know why it was so hard when you were around. Your place is empty on the couch and dad is still lost. He misses tickling you I think but he still tries to make us laugh. We are getting better at cooking without burning stuff. We all ate the burnt soup last weekend, and we even said it wasn’t so bad, but we all knew it was burnt. We threw the rest of the pot out and made hamburgers, but they were a disaster too, they didn’t stick together like yours do. We’re eating a lot of French toast and Sam is very good at making the lunches. It is just so different now Mom. Things that were never awkward are now big questions and we have to adapt I suppose but it’s all just so sad. I’m sitting here at my prep desk, trying to write a letter to Janice, but my eyes are a blur and the tears make the ink run on the airmail paper. I miss you so much Mom, I look for you in your chair at the workshop but the chair now just sits against the wall. The sun came through the window onto it last weekend, I thought it might be you saying hello. When are you coming back? Last week I looked out the kitchen window at your rose garden and you just weren’t there. I’m too scared to go to your roses. Where are you Mom, and why did you leave us? I grind my teeth to try and stop the tears but I just can’t. I just want to hug you, I need you to hold my hand again, please come back; I know it’s impossible but I miss you so much. Maybe this will get better, I don’t see how though as I will always miss you.
Original Oil on Canvas SOLD
2.2m x 70cm
Unavailable in print